(Written by Leo Antazo)
A man dies and was immediately sent to hell where the demon Beelzebub welcomes them in a waiting room much like that of a standard office. Soon, Etrigan the demon calls him.
“Tis a pity to die so soon, Yet love and hate hath come to full bloom. Enter through this door sir, be prepared to receive thy final judgment.”
He enters the room and is surprised to see Nicolas Cage sitting across the conference table. He sits down and Beelzebub, in the form of the actor speaks:
“Ok. You’re in hell yada yada, yada, and all that bull crap. You’ll be here for a very long time. You don’t need to speak I just need to hand down your final judgement. Yeehaw and all that.” He snaps his fingers and a file appears before him.
“Right! Mr. Manuel Concepcion. You committed suicide by jumping off a skyscraper which by some stroke of bad luck led to the death of an innocent 5 year old boy and his mother who were walking past when your body landed on them. Your suicide note reads that your mother in law is a senile monster and your wife doesn’t love you anymore seeing as though she kicked you out of the bedroom and made you sleep on the floor of the downstairs living room. Hmmm, that’s sad. Won’t even let you sit on the couch, huh. HAHA! Okey, your final sentence will be you living in a Beverly Hills style mansion exactly like that of Bill Murray’s complete with every luxury known to man. Your mother in law and your wife will be joining you soon. In which time you will be bound and gagged and serve as their slave for hmm…the rest of eternity. Thanks for coming.”
The demon snaps his fingers and the man disappears in a haze of bright red and orange sparks.
He then appears in Bill Murray’s mansion. “Fuck.” He says gloomily.